One thousand paper cranes

   Recently , a friend of mine , in a very desperate attempt to make me move on , criticized my girl with no mercy. She said she was rude , awkward and ugly. 


I don't know why , that made me cry. I cried like a child, sobbing wildly. I haven't talked with her since than.


For some reason , it felt bad.


Maybe she wasn't that beautiful , may be she wasn't the most kindest one , may be she was a little less on hospitality but whatever she was to them , was what she showed herself to be.


I knew her like nobody knew her , and trust me she was great. She still is and she always will be.


No matter what happened to us , no matter if we ended bad, it can't change the fact that she is a beautiful woman and human being.


I don't know how to put this up but when i think about her, although i feel like crying , but it gives me warmth to remember her, for all that she was , as a human. I am honored, that for more than a year , i had her heart.


Although , i am trying to learn how to live without her, i will always have my hopes that someday maybe she'll come back.


I often read and re-read her msgs.


And although i have tried my best to delete every trace of her from my life , i can't bring myself to throw away the memories.


My girl was the sassiest of all , she was sensual , funny , demanding , sometimes rude , always wanting to dominate but when it came to making me feel alive , noone could beat her to it.


She brought life into me. 


I have dated other girls before her and trust me i am not the kind of person to cling onto someone who walks away, but this girl , she'll always have a part of me that will never happen again.


For now i am folding 1000 paper cranes and with each fold, i pray , please bring her back.


A girl with the most craziest beautiful eyes , once made me promise , i'll never love a girl again after her , for she never wanted to be replaced in my heart, and i guess i took that too seriously.


I don't want her back now, not just yet , i want her back when she's sure that its me she wants to grow old with.


I hope that day comes.
I'll wait.


Till than lets just wish on folded paper cranes.

The love that never happens twice

Sometimes i think about all the promises we made to each other. The dreams that her eyes saw through mine and the world that we made around us. 


I think about all those wonderful words spoken and all the beautiful silent gestures shared. 


The sweet nothings and the usual nonsense fight of who loves whom the more. 


I think about all of it and wonder if she sits and makes the same promises all over again with that other guy? 


Does her fingers fit perfectly into his?


Does her eyes light up into a smile every time he crosses her mind?


I think about all of these and to tell you the truth, i know i shouldn't be , because they hurt me , they stab me and they once again kill me.


The most strangest part that i myself can't understand is, along with all these thoughts, there comes one, that rules them prominently.


" Is she happy? "


Why is it so that after getting my heart trampled , broken and torn apart , it still worries if her mornings are smiling and nights peaceful?


I didn't know my heart was capable of this.


To love the girl who broke my heart into pieces , shattered my world into dust and moved away like nothing happened. 


I wasn't aware this was possible.


That 2 months after her walking away , no girl will catch my eye.
That 2 months after her walking away , i'll still look at her picture and cry.
That 2 months after her walking away , she'll still be the one girl growing beautiful in my eyes.


I wasn't aware that this kind of love was possible in a heart as moved on as mine.


I can't say i am happy to see her happy , to tell you the truth it hurts because that's not me beside her , but to know that she's doing fine , it somehow makes me content, sort of at peace i guess.


Maybe someday i'll forget this all , but for now, i think she was that one love which never happens twice in life.

Loosing the half of me

Now people say whatever happens happens for good. When someone moves away from our lives , they are just making space for someone new and better.

They say a lot of things, i guess.

I heard some of them say its okay and many of them are still ringing my ears with move on.

In the famous words of Kate Perry i ask them back where do i go?

Where do i move on?

For the past 1 yr 6 month 7 days and 8 hrs all i had known was her.

Loved her to the core of every particle in me.

Woken up everyday to her voice and fallen asleep to her dreams.

Woven my world around her amazingly magical laughter.

Given every inch of my being and non being to making her stay.

And one fine day, i woke up and it was all gone..

It hurt so bad even to breath that i almost felt empty.........

And than people say MOVE ON and i say WHERE TO?

She was all that i had. My destination , my path and my destiny.

Someday i hope i am able to dream again but for now let me feel the pain of LOOSING THE HALF OF ME.

The Reason

Hope is what takes us high up and hope is what throws us down. I can't say how many things does it break but the fall sure hurts real damn bad!


15 June 2012, i stood on the edge of what seemed like a cliff giving ways to direct the end of life. I stood some good damn 
hundreds of feet away from ground but dangerously close to death. With a bottle of some God forsaken local beer brand i was only conscious enough to remember that the river was Teesta somewhere in Sikkim and it was roaring brown with the waters of impending monsoon.
   If i would have taken that jump, you people would have been saved from the misery of reading my sorry story!


Many if's and buts, what would have happened if i would have jumped? What now that i didn't? What this? Why that? and blah and blah and blah.... 




   This is not a story. Nah! i won't label it so. It doesn't have a  start, it doesn't have a climax neither a lesson to be learn't. Its an incident that shook me inside out, churned my soul to twisted angles, killed me , sent me to hell and yet brought it back to life.